I know I'm a louse, a bum and a cad 
Look, I don't want to start a row 
Most guys are blah but I'm really bad 
Let's see if you can help me now.

I have you and a whore who gave me AIDS 
She shrieks like a flatulent cow
I sliced up my condoms with razor blades
Let's see if you can help me now.

It says in the Bible that man is free
Freedom is something I'd miss
Breaking from prison or out on a spree
God loves me to be like this.

I'm flat on the gutter, filthy and cold
Had sex with a leprous sow
I'm itching with bedbugs, covered with mold
Let's see if you can help me now.

I was brought up with money, excellent clothing
Degrees from both Harvard and Yale
Will you accept my hate and self-loathing?
Will you join me on Welfare or jail?

I'm in love with my pain, and I love to complain 
I'll bring you down- and how! 
Life is insane as you go down the drain
Let's see if you can help me now.